Victoria,

Welcome back. It sounds like you are still dealing with a lot. Have you started seeing a therapist? I think you should, there seems to be a lot of stuff you’re sorting through and to be honest, therapists can understand a lot better than us at times.

It might be time to say goodbye to your ex, you’ve tried and tried but as time goes on, just reading your posts, it’s not sounding any more like an ideal situation- more like one that causes you both pain and confusion.

Maybe it’s time for you to do you now. Have a relationship with yourself and nurture that- find out what issues have impacted you and learn from them and grow and hopefully secure some peace for yourself?

Malachy,

Thanks for getting in touch. When I started the thread it was 15 days after my breakup but it’s now been 5months. My anxiety levels are not what they were thankfully, due to support, therapy, some medication and the passage of time I guess.

I have been trying to get in touch with myself but some days I find it incredibly profound and hard to figure out, so hopefully my therapist can help me a little more during my session this week.

@kkasxo

Yep, he’s trying to be decent. He’s nothing of not decent. It’s infuriating. I have such poor sleep, I’m exhausted and my chronic pain is particularly bad today. Also, I’ve been staying with my sister as it’s just past her due date and she’s been having some pains, so won’t be long more I think. I guess that has me on edge too until she goes in and has a healthy baby and is healthy herself.

Ive come home to my own bed tonight to try and get some rest, and she’s gonna call if there is any movement. I took the next week off work to help her with her toddler when the baby arrives. But I’m definitely out of sorts.

I don’t know what’s going on. Sometimes I feel I’m a disappointment to people on the forum here who give me advice and I can’t seem to understand it or follow it. I’m trying and my head gets so overwhelmed and humbled by all I read and learn. I do NOT know wtf I’m supposed to be doing. I’m lost. Completely lost.

I hope I don’t drag you down with this post, but some of our issues are similar and I’m hoping you can get where I’m coming from. I adore the help I’m getting on here from wonderful people but sometimes I feel like I’m not smart enough or insightful enough or evolved enough to truly understand and implement it.

Since my breakup I have over and over again read and heard that this will change me forever for the better. I’ll truly know myself, I’ll learn lessons, I’ll be the person I was meant to become. I have explained this somewhat to my therapist but he doesn’t tend to go into it too much. He’s clever though, and I feel really understands me so I think he feels I get too overwhelmed at times with existential angst that there is no point sending me down further rabbit holes when I can’t even get out of the ones I’m currently in. I’m sorry if this is a stream of consciousness tonight, honestly sometimes I wonder what sort of a mind I have.

Life is not easy. It’s iust not. And you know what, I’m kind of tired of challenges. I’ve had a lot throughout my life and it doesn’t seem to get better. Good things are taken from me and I’m expected to struggle on. Just because I have to. Life is a gift I’m told. But is this the case for everyone? I’m not doing anything too extraordinary with mine, so perhaps the powers that be should get their money back!

I love being in the company of my ex, but how can it work out when he hasn’t changed, or learned or grown? How can I accept less when even. now I’m sad to be out of his company?

Bring back the years where I sailed through life and never opened my heart romantically I say!

I hope you managed the weekend okay, are you still feeling in a slump? Trust me when I say i can relate. x