Dear Anita

Yes, I think you’re right. In his culture, it’s completely normal for 30-year-old men to be unmarried and still living with their parents. Meanwhile, in mine, it’s quite unusual.

I admit that I have become attached to him. Some of my friends say I’m not attached enough but I know I am, and I actively try to distance myself because of it.

I paid for my plane ticket when I went to see him but I do understand that completely. I never wanted him to pay for things and my mother always taught me to at least go 50/50 where I can. But he ended up insisting and it ended up that way.

Should I give him an explanation as to why I’m asking out of the blue? Honestly, I am a little worried I’m going to scare him off or stress him out. I know it must sound like I tiptoe around him all the time and I really try not to. I don’t hide my emotions from him, if I’m upset I’ll tell him or if there’s something he did that I didn’t like, I will say something. My problem is I have an attachment disorder stemming from my childhood, so when I do communicate it is always in a carefully thought out way. I guess in the back of my mind there is that fear that I’m just stressing him out on top of his own daily stress. I never thought about it like that but I feel very emotional expressing these feelings now. I’ve never ‘vocalised’ them or told anyone about them.

Lila