Hi Anita,

It’s nice to hear from you again. I do remember something from when I was little that made me feel very ashamed. As you know, my mother was never around when I was young. However, I would visit her sometimes when she lived/worked in New Jersey, and when she had to work, she would have her friend babysit me. Her friend had a daughter who I would hang out with when she “babysat” me, and I was around 5 or 6 years old at this time. Her daughter and I would hang out in a separate room, and she would make me engage in fake sexual acts with her. She would ask me if I wanted to play “mommy and daddy,” and she would make me pretend to have sex with her with clothes on (she would sit on top of me or I would sit on top of her). This happened multiple times, and it made me feel very uncomfortable and gross. I eventually told my mom about it, and she stopped bringing me to their house. However, when my step sisters came into the picture, something similar happened again. I asked them if they wanted to play “mommy and daddy” and my younger step sister agreed. I felt so ashamed and gross for wanting to play it when it made me feel uncomfortable before. I remember trying to block the memory from my head as I got older. I’m not sure if this is the cause of all of this, but it was something that made me feel dirty.

Christina