Anita,

My therapist did meet him twice in couples counseling. It wasn’t then she considered him a narcissist. But she did know that he made me out to be the crazy one always. He did expect me to be perfect and she always asked me to look outside of myself and to stop blaming myself. Describing his mother to her in therapy as she was a main stressor my therapist said she had narcissistic traits and didn’t seem to make me feel good. I am not crazy in or out of a intimate relationship. I do have wounds and bad reactions that I believe I am working on. I am happy to hear you are now BPD free and in a healthy relationship. It is nice when sometime actively chooses to look into themselves and change, my ex does not have that gift.

I know we are all human but have you ever read these stories? They are not typical. I know there are a**holes in this world but what these people do is cruel and planned out yes it is. My ex didn’t get a financial benefit from me but he benefited very much. He was a blind man and I was his trophy woman. I made him look good. His family adored me to begin with and so did he. What he benefited from? I was his guide, I did EVERYTHING for him. I drove him everywhere, I was his woman and caretaker you can say. I was made to be perfect for him and his family. That’s what they expected and yes it was my wounds that allowed me to put up with it. Now after learning I would say I am not perfect, take it or leave it. But I please and pleased until I couldn’t take it. And then I heard of boundaries and started to put them up. Saying no to things and expecting more from him as he should have and he was going behind my back finding a replacement all along because he knows no one can keep up with a perfect image. That is intentional and that is not human! He admitted many things before I left. I asked him if he was a narcissist and he stuttered out of the question and said he couldn’t be full blown because he does have some empathy but he knew exactly what I meant.

What human being, plans a proposal with my family for me, and lays in bed with me the night before I learned of his double life discussing loving me and dying to spend the rest of his life with me. Only to find out he was discussing his with other women the same exact night!!! Then I leave we brake up and tells me he is suicidal because I left him and he is so alone. All about him, had no empthay for how crushed I was. No empathy for destroying our life. He said sorry many times but I believe he was sorry he was caught and exposed and that’s what triggered suicidal thoughts. “He was alone” that’s what he benefited from, my company and my doing what “he needed”!

i wish I had the energy to think and give you more examples but this discussion is exhausting.

🙁