Heartbrokengurl,

I believe we keep repeating a pattern of relationships until we 1) are consciously aware of the underlying belief/issue/wound and 2) we start healing from that wound.  Usually that wound/belief/pattern comes from our family-of-origin where we do not get the necessary nurturing from our mother and/or father.  For me, I had a mother who was angry toward men.  I kept attracting angry women.

You said you keep attracting “these guys.”  A previous post you mentioned that your therapist observed that you kept attracting emotionally unavailable men.  Keep working with your therapist on that.  Check out Anxious Attachment Style.  Pursuers with an anxious style are usually disinterested in someone available with a secure style. They usually attract someone who is avoidant. The anxiety of an insecure attachment is enlivening and familiar, though it’s uncomfortable and makes them more anxious. It validates their abandonment fears about relationships and beliefs about not being enough, lovable, or securely loved.  …

… anxious types tend to bond quickly and don’t take time to assess whether their partner can or wants to meet their needs. They tend to see things they share in common with each new, idealized partner and overlook potential problems. In trying to make the relationship work, they suppress their needs, sending the wrong signals to their partner in the long run. All of this behavior makes attaching to an avoider more probable. When he or she withdraws, their anxiety is aroused. Pursuers confuse their longing and anxiety for love rather than realizing it’s their partner’s unavailability that is the problem. It’s not themselves or anything they did or could do to change that. They hang in and try harder, instead of facing the truth and cutting their losses.

https://www.justmytype.ca/date-someone-anxious-attachment-style/

https://www.yourtango.com/2018314056/six-signs-you-have-anxious-attachment-style-love-how-affects-your-relationships

Good luck,

Mark