Heartbrokengurl,

I believe we keep repeating a pattern of relationships until we 1) are consciously aware of the underlying belief/issue/wound and 2) we start healing from that wound.  Usually that wound/belief/pattern comes from our family-of-origin where we do not get the necessary nurturing from our mother and/or father.  For me, I had a mother who was angry toward men.  I kept attracting angry women.

You said you keep attracting “these guys.”  A previous post you mentioned that your therapist observed that you kept attracting emotionally unavailable men.  Keep working with your therapist on that.  Check out Anxious Attachment Style.  Pursuers with an anxious style are usually disinterested in someone available with a secure style. They usually attract someone who is avoidant. The anxiety of an insecure attachment is enlivening and familiar, though it’s uncomfortable and makes them more anxious. It validates their abandonment fears about relationships and beliefs about not being enough, lovable, or securely loved.  …

… anxious types tend to bond quickly and don’t take time to assess whether their partner can or wants to meet their needs. They tend to see things they share in common with each new, idealized partner and overlook potential problems. In trying to make the relationship work, they suppress their needs, sending the wrong signals to their partner in the long run. All of this behavior makes attaching to an avoider more probable. When he or she withdraws, their anxiety is aroused. Pursuers confuse their longing and anxiety for love rather than realizing it’s their partner’s unavailability that is the problem. It’s not themselves or anything they did or could do to change that. They hang in and try harder, instead of facing the truth and cutting their losses.

https://www.justmytype.ca/date-someone-anxious-attachment-style/

https://www.yourtango.com/2018314056/six-signs-you-have-anxious-attachment-style-love-how-affects-your-relationships

Good luck,

Mark

To add onto what Mark said (which I also agree with 100%), is it possible you have a fear of intimacy, commitment, or abandonment or some combination of the three?  A fear of intimacy, especially, can be sneaky. Even if you’re the type who would love to have someone close to you and have a close, intimate, safe relationship, you can still be afraid of it for the possibility of pain that comes with that type of relationship if you break up. Usually a fear of abandonment comes with a fear of intimacy.  If you date emotionally unavailable men, it provides a protective barrier because they never get tooooo close.

Dear Heartbrokengurl:

You are welcome. I think it will  be a good idea to attend short term couple therapy with  your current boyfriend or perhaps ex boyfriend, for the purpose of you gaining better insight into what is happening.

Maybe the guy will be able to communicate to you in a therapy setting, aided by the help of a capable therapist, what he may feel uncomfortable to communicate to you in a personal setting. And maybe you will be able to communicate to him in that setting what you are uncomfortable to communicate to him in a personal setting.

anita

Dear Heartbrokengurl:

I suggest that you suggest couple therapy to him not for the purpose of making this two month long relationship last longer, but for the purpose of you gaining insight into why this relationship  is not working. It may give you insight about why previous relationships didn’t work out as well, and therefore help you in the future.

Because he has his own issues, this will be an opportunity for him as well to gain insight. Basically, the purpose would be to learn and become wiser.

anita