Carien, well done for sharing how you are feeling and the reality of life as you find it today.  It is never easy finding the way out of emotional pain. The old cliche of not being able to love someine else until you love yourself is in my experience so true. Too often we can go into relationships looking for some one to complete us instead of compliment us. I struggled with body image and obsession all my life until 4 years ago. I go to therapy and would recommend watching a documentary called “Embrace”.
Best of luck to you x