First, I want to say that I feel like this fear you’re feeling is somewhat normal at your age, especially for people who don’t necessarily like change. You’re sort of on the brink of it and that can be a scary thing because there’s a bunch of unknown out there. But life and full-on adulthood becomes a lot less scary as you go, and the older you get, the less you care about what people think of you, and that’s an awesome feeling. So far my 30s have been the best years yet, so the best is most definitely yet to come for you, too.

The first thing to do, though, is to stop comparing yourself to other people. Your journey is your journey and it’s okay if it doesn’t match anyone else’s or if you don’t have or do things when other people have or do them. I’m 36 years old and just started my 2nd semester at college, for example. And that’s okay. I had other priorities to attend to before going to school. My point is, though, that it’s okay to do things on your own timeline.

As for the fears, anxiety, and insecurities you’re feeling. There are ways to change that. I’ve found that being mindful helps when you’re always in your head and worried about the past or future. Pulling yourself back to the present as soon as you notice it and just being aware of things as they’re happening right in the moment can help, especially noticing things you like or that are pleasant. Pay attention to all of those awesome little things that happen around you at any given moment.

Meditation is definitely a good thing to try again as it can help you to feel less distracted by training your brain/mind to focus, as well as clearing your thoughts. Even 10 to 20 minutes once or twice a day can work wonders… just do simple meditation, sitting quietly and breathing in for 10 counts and then back out, focusing on the breath, letting thoughts come and go and refocusing on breathing every time your mind starts to wander. It takes practice, though, so don’t expect immediate changes in mindset. Just think of it like an exercise for your brain, training it to help you refocus quickly when your mind starts to wander into unhappy territory.

There is also a good book for managing social anxiety if you’re up for some reading. It’s called “Managing Social Anxiety: A Cognitive-Behavioral Workbook” by Debra Hope, Richard Heimburg, and Cynthia Turk. There are actual exercises in there that you can use to help change your thought patterns. That should really get you some results on a changed mindset, I’d think.

Just remember… you are so young, still. There are so many good things ahead of you and I think it’s a very good sign that you have the insight at such a young age to ask for help with how you’re feeling. A lot of people your age don’t do that, even when they feel much like you are now. These feelings you’re having now, if you let them guide you into finding the things that make you feel secure and good about yourself without the need for validation from anyone else… that is something that will make the rest of your life a lot easier. So these feelings you’re having now can be good in the way that they absolutely can help you to have a better life… just have to find the root cause of them and fix that, and if you can learn to do that, you’re way ahead of a lot of other adults.