I very much agree with what Mark said. You might feel like you’re bad at confrontation, but writing something in an email and leaving it at that is just going to give her a whole bunch of questions that you won’t be there to answer. If it’s that you stumble and don’t say everything, then Mark’s solution is perfect for that. Write a very clear, concise letter and read it to her, then answer her questions and give her closer. Make it concrete and final. Breaking up through email or any text is a coward’s way to end things, so please don’t do that to her.

I told her that my daughters are unhappy and my oldest doesn’t even want to come over anymore.  I said we are all unhappy.  I mean everyone.  and that because of things i have done(talking to my ex repeatedly behind her back) that I don’t think i can ever show her the love she needs and I don’t think she will ever not have some doubt and insecurity with me.  I pretty much said that I don’t think we are compatible as a family and such.   Well, she was hurt and all, but then in denial again.  It’s been two days and she’s still thinking we are going to be together forever.

When you talked to her and said all of those things, did you come out and flat-out say “I think we should break up” ? If you didn’t, I don’t even know if you really need a letter because it sounds like you said it all there aside from the most important words that finalize it… you just need to be firm and concrete with your wording…. “I have decided that we aren’t good together in a romantic relationship and I want to break up.”  That leaves little room for doubt or denial.

And when she says things about finding a place or that she should probably move out, just to hopefully get you to tell her to stay… instead of staying quiet… AGREE with her. Vocally agree that, yes, she should find a place. She will get how you feel that way but staying quiet leaves room for interpretation.

 The world is a cruel and ironic place that is for sure.  classic saying”  If i would have known then what I know now…”  I would of know to leave my ex completely alone, when she first showed signs, I should of just walked away, swallowed my pride and hurt and just left.  To be completely honest, that is what she needed.

That’s the thing about relationships… they teach us lessons. This was a good one for you to learn, and I’m sure you won’t make that mistake again, right? So it wasn’t all for nothing at least. It’s just preparing you for the BEST relationship.

of coarse because this whole thing has really made me understand what went wrong with my last relationship and how I caused the end because of how I acted and behaved.

You also can’t know that you caused the end because of how you acted and behaved. That’s technically a thought error called “mind reading.” You truly have no way of knowing what your ex was thinking or feeling or whether or not your relationship would’ve been saved if you’d done anything differently. She might’ve had a foot out the door and would’ve left no matter what you did. There’s no way of knowing… but honestly she probably did because it was the feeling of her pulling away that caused you to act like that, right?

But, yes, the lesson you learned is still a good one and it’s better to not do the things you did, BUT that doesn’t mean those things had any actual influence on the breakup…. just like your girlfriend’s actions now aren’t really the cause of you wanting to break up with her. You’ve been thinking of ending things since at least October.