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me myself and i
I know that what we feel about others comes in part how we feel about ourselves. We project out into the world. As anita points out, hate comes out of anger which in turn, comes out of fear.
It seems all you were taught from your family-of-origin is fear, anger, and hate. Those are deep core issues which can be helped by introspection and self awareness up to a point. However there is a quote attributed to Albert Einstein (but I doubt that he said it like this for I cannot find the original source): “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” This means that unless we have an outsider’s perspective and guidance then we cannot fully solve our own problems.
Mark