Hey, I couldn’t use internet the whole time I was out there. I decided I’d write back and update on everything. It wasn’t a good vacation. I mean there was a few good moments but I am never doing that again. I need land and internet, and just being grounded.

Anyway, the whole family (I feel) likes the brothers girlfriend more than me. For some reason there is something I find ingenuine about her, she’s constantly feeding off the attention of others and is kind of like a chamelion if that makes sense. I am honest and real, I’m not going to kiss anyones ass for approval or fake something that is so obviously forced.

I didn’t have any of my resources so I wasn’t behaving or acting my best that is for sure. My boyfriend thinks everyone loves and me and everything is okay I wasn’t acting weird. But I felt discomfort and not belonging the entire trip. It makes me sad because I look back and I feel guilty for not being able to be in the moment and be more grateful when I was out there but when I am far away from home for too long I get grumpy and uncomfortable it’s just how I am, I am also quite the introvert and need time for myself completely alone. I don’t know why I thought this would be different. It really made me consider whether this is the family I want to marry into.

At some points I felt a connection but most of the time the other girlfriend really just had their attention and energy. I kind of just felt like a shadow.

This trip has inspiried me to live my life unapologetically. I am the way I am and I do not need to change for approval or attention. As soon as we got back my boyfriend and I went on a hike, and I’ve been back to my yoga routine. I’m thinking about going to counseling because I hate not feeling enough and I felt that way the whole trip it was the heaviest feelings I have ever felt. Anyway, I wanted to get that all out. Despite everything that happened, I feel inspired and ready to embrace the way I am and take my life back.