Michelle,

You really have ignited a desire travel within me, it sounds like exactly what I would love. Basic decisions, opening the mind and not thinking too much ahead. I love markets – I remember I went to a market in Marrakech and I could have stayed ALL day, my eyes couldn’t take in everything before me!

After the weekend together, my ex did text me later the night of my return to say he had a really nice weekend but was working at home and was exhausted. I replied to that. The following day he also texted me a funny video from his home town and again I replied in a friendly tone and he replied and I left it at that. So I suppose, I wasn’t very engaging I guess. Maybe I was testing him a bit to see what lengths he would go to to stay in contact, but in hindsight, perhaps it was a bit of game-playing, which I’m not a fan of. But I also didn’t want to be too readily available,,,create somewhat of a challenge, but he’s like a deer in headlights and I should have known, if he gets the slightest hint of potential hurt, he’ll bolt!

@Kkasxo, you seem to think you are in this by yourself. You’re not. I’m right here with you and sorry, but I am simply not giving up on you and you can’t stop me! I meet you (virtually) at such an horrific period in  my life and I feel you have now become someone whose wellbeing and welfare I now care for. If I don’t hear from you, I worry. You make me laugh sometimes with witty things you say and you have offered me great advice and light at the end of the tunnel in days gone by.

You are in a hole at the moment, that’s okay. You have a right to be. Stay there for a while, if you feel you don’t have the energy to pull yourself up right now. That’s ok too. But if you don’t come out of the hole one day, I’m just going to have to go down and get you Kammy, because we’re in this together. Remember our pact! I’m not letting you off the hook. Life is genuinely Sh+t right now, I know. But as Michelle says, we really really cant tell how it is going to turn out, within reason. A breakthrough could have just been around the next corner. You have love in your life, just hold on to that for now. I will literally hop on a plane and help you up from the floor in your pyjamas if you need me to!!!

Since I started the course, it has reduced my rumination somewhat, merely because I do not have the hours in the day to mull that much anymore. It doesn’t mean Im better or anything like that, it just means, I literally don’t have space to think right now, so look it, maybe if you really focus on finding a new place, it will distract you enough to disrupt the neurological pathway you have established by persistent negative thoughts encroaching on you.

You have way too much to contribute to this life not to let it out, some day. Whenever. But in the meantime, as my therapist says, survival is an achievement. So let’s just do that xx