Dear Anita,

Thank you for explaining to me the concept of habit and your terms. And also bringing up my mental habit of glorifying others. I have thought about this day in and day out since we brought it up, noticing any time where I may feel that I am glorifying someone else or that by reflex I feel that I am inferior to that person or their life. In fact, in my yoga class yesterday, the teacher spoke about the concept of the grass is not greener on the other side, the grass is green on both sides. He stated that it is human nature to think that if someone else has something different than us —by definition what we have is not good enough. I thought that it was interesting that he brought this up, to a public class. Because there are times where I forget that what I think in my head May not be unique to me, although I may do it to a more extreme extent. I do forget that many people to suffer with the idea that they by nature think that the circumstance that others have is better than their own even -without knowing much about the other persons circumstance. I have spent a good amount of time beating myself up over the fact that I do this, but not realizing that it is human nature to an extent. But only an extent.  The pathology lies that although it is human nature to an extent, many of these people do not have the upbringing that I do, the Disney world example, and so it is not to them the suffering  I have from this sort of mentality. For others it may be a transient Thought or idea. However I noticed that for me it is much more than that it is a root cause of suffering, many roots of suffering I do have based on the mother voice, and this is one of them. Anyway regardless of what is human nature to others or not. This yoga teachers passage did get me to think, do I in fact believe that my life is inferior to others. Do I in fact believe that I am inferior to others? What a question, how absurd sounding. Well to an untrained ear. How could I think that way look at my life, great career successful husband living in an amazing city bounty of friends and family galore. And this is the exact thing that kept me from seeing that The mother voice always kept me back.

So, the thesis of what I am trying to say is the following. Nothing I do in life, no where I go in life ever matters. Because I am fed to believe that nothing  is good enough -everything that I am not is worth seeking. Everything that I am not doing at this exact moment is worth seeking. Everywhere that I am not is worth being at. Everything that I do not like is worth exploring. I cannot sit with myself as I am, because the way I am as a baseline is flawed.  By definition. Always. We as a family are flawed, we are born into unfortunate circumstance, what a tragedy. Our life on this or earth by definition can never lead to contentment

• This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Cali Chica.