Dear Anita,

Thought of something else after I submitted. Recently you asked me if I had renewed contact with my parents, you thought for a moment that perhaps my new distress, or increased thought patterns were because of a new contact. When you asked me that at first, I didn’t realize why, but I let it sink in, and it made sense. I mentioned to you that recently I feel like I am at a plateau of healing, there is the next step of the mountain or journey to climb, but I am slightly at a standstill, either not having courage to go to the next uphill section of the mountain, feeling that I don’t have the strength, wondering if it is worth it, not knowing how. Or on the other end not even realizing that there is that next portion.

What we spoke about just now, in my previous post and yours really sums it up for me. There is something missing, I have recently focused and equated this to being kind to my husband. And this is true and of utmost importance. I have felt recently in the last month or so or during the time that we made the plan of no attack, and that this will be very helpful, not just to be kinder to my husband, but for my healing. But something still felt that it was missing. And this is it: I was attempting to do all of this, be kinder be more patient be more calm, continue to heal, without accessing any softness. I was going along my normal way, with the hardness. Expecting to heal more or feel different, or even approach my life differently, including my husband. But it wasn’t working, it’s not working. It’s a pause. The softness is missing, the softness is buried, it will be a major feet and task to uncover that softness, yes. But that process has not even started, until our conversation today.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Cali Chica.