greenshade,

Check out the Non-Violent Communication process originated by Marshall Rosenberg.  He talks about making requests coming out of our universal needs and feelings.  This will give you a structure on how to do so.

Insofar as feeling fear when you do communicate your request based on your legitimate needs that seems something about learning how to love and honor yourself.  It is how you learn to acknowledge that your request is as valid as anyone else’s.

There is a maxim that we either come from fear or love.  It starts with loving yourself.  You are behaving from the fear of people not liking you/your behavior.  That is an assumption.  You are already anticipating that you will be viewed negatively from those around you.

This sounds like you were raised with that.  anita here is very good at uncovering people’s origins of their pain.  It usually comes from Family-of-Origin.  Usually the “cure” is getting therapeutic help, at least as part of the solution.

Mark