Dear Anita,

I think for me it is just sad, the sad comes and goes because things happen. Sometimes I act bad, sometimes my mom is sad, sometimes my dad is mad. I don’t think I can do anything, I think it is just like this. Maybe it is like that, some people are not sad, but some people are sad. I think that is just the way it is.

I typed up this response above, I thought about its implication, I know I should probably not be analyzing my own Response so quickly,  but I can’t help but to write this here. The above flowed naturally. And I see – I see that from a young age I felt (that things were just this way) that it is how it is and it’s not CONTROLLABLE. The woe is me tragedy of this family, not the – oh things happen and people go through ups and downs. Never. I never recall feeling it will get better tomorrow, or that this is not an indication of the state of us/our lives. If there is anger today it means things are terrible – it is a fact. No transience of the feeling was taught. Just upheaval tragedy permanence uncontrollability.