Dear Jessica,

To an extent, I think we all feel the need to be ‘looked after’ by someone else. It starts in childhood, when we are looked after by our parents, from the time we are indeed, babies to be ‘babied’. Most children, though, seem to kick off for independence a lot sooner, wanting to do things for themselves, going out into the big wide world and having friends. Do you have any friends, a circle of friends? A close friend?

At 21, I would have thought that letting your parents ‘still look after me way too much’ is actually hampering your growth into an adult. I wonder if your parents don’t want to let go and acknowledge that you are now an adult and need to stand on your own two feet. I wonder if they are contributing to your ‘neediness’ of others and your expectation that others will look after you as they have always done.

You have taken steps to become more independent though, going out on your own, for example, to art galleries and so on. So you are moving forwards, which is good.

In what ways do your parents still ‘look after you way too much’?

The answers to these questions might help us to understand your situation a bit more.

with best wishes,

Jay