Dear Bell,

I agree with what Peter and Anita have said above.

The early traumas associated with your childhood are affecting your present life and relationships. If you can acknowledge that you can be toxic in relationships, then you are able to remedy this. It’s really only the people who can’t or won’t admit their own faults that cannot work to get past them and into a better place. It’s a hard, often lonely path to travel, but have faith in yourself. You can get through this.

As Anita has suggested, this would be better with some kind of quality psychotherapy and I agree – it’s a lot to tackle on your own. Can you visit a doctor and get medication for depression for a little while, for example? Might a doctor recommend some therapy for you?

i can’t even focus in work and study. and i feel terrible knowing my future is at stake. i feel my whole life crumbling. facing him everyday and seeing him happy like his usual self, it hurts so much to see that he can move on with life.

Take a leaf out of your ex’s book, and be a happy self.. even if it is so hard to do, even if it’s just on the outside.  You also need to move on with your life. Try to show everyone, outwardly at least, that you are moving on. Your thoughts will catch up with your outside demeanour eventually… give it a try. Smile. Go and find your friends again, if they are true friends, they won’t mind that you neglected them for a while.

Be glad for him, that he seems able to move on. See if you can find some way to try and do the same. It must be so hard when you have to work with someone that you previously had an attachment to. Would it be possible for you get a transfer to a different space – a different office maybe? Or look for a different job?

with best wishes,

Jay