Dear Anita,

I forgot to comment about the part about empathy.  I notice I wrote about how I am just starting to develop empathy for my husband. Well, I must first develop empathy for myself.

I took this to mean feeling bad for myself, and believed that it would not really land me anywhere.  I felt bad for myself for 2 years almost from the engagement to the wedding.  It lead me to feel worse, mind and body.  But I see now that was when I was in the trenches, when I was drinking poison daily, with the acute threat of the mother right in my face.

I see now that empathy for myself isn’t just “feeling bad for me” it is acceptance.  It is allowing growth, change, and honoring my courage.  IT is removing that flakey “glitter” friend from my life unapologetic-ally without being ridden with guilt. It is honoring myself in whatever I need in that moment.  It is…

It is knowing that I Cali Chica am in fact the mother – the mother of myself, the owner of myself, aren’t I.  If the definition of mother is: a caretaker, that knows best. We think of a mother as all knowing, well she wasn’t, but I am – I know myself better than anyone – so I must develop what? Self Trust. The title of this post.