Anita,

Most of the time I feel nothing when I look at my ex husband; other times I feel a general dislike.  While prostituting/sexual slave is a bit dramatic, my body was being used to meet a need and I was not part of that need.  I was trading that for nice behaviors from him for the household.  It ended when I felt I could not have sex with him anymore and we cohabitated for 1.5 years.

I was still enslaved in a sense for the 1.5 years. I felt trapped in every sense of the word.  It made me depressed and very angry with everyone around me, mostly my family.  Daily I was told by him what I wasn’t doing right and that I gave up on the marriage and stopped trying.

Feeling trapped and not able to really take up for myself or make him stop I believe caused the disassociation.

I really like how you said a part of me had to take up for and protect the other part of me.  I feel protective of her.  I don’t think she deserves what has happened to her and I want her to get empowered and feel strong.

Lindsey