Dear Hannah:

Before, when you thought that maybe the guy you are interested in didn’t text you back because he was upset over you being friends with the other guy, you knew there was no evidence that the two guys knew each other, but you were still afraid that what you thought was really happening. Then you ended the friendship and the guy you are interested in still doesn’t reply to your texts like before, correct?

The reason he doesn’t reply to your texts was never that you had a guy friend, you just felt that it was the reason. This is called in CBT I mentioned above,  “emotional reasoning”, meaning you feel something is true, so you believe it is true. In CBT “emotional reasoning” is one of the “thought distortions”.

One of my most intense emotional reasoning experiences was when I was a child, I dreamed or imagined otherwise that I was flying, like a bird in the sky, it was so enjoyable and special that I .. believed I really did fly. It took me a long time to figure it is impossible, that I would fly in the sky, arms like wings, gliding up above between the clouds. But it felt so real.. that I believed it.

You suffer from ongoing fear, aka anxiety. Anxiety is like a sticky substance that gets stuck to thoughts. So it stuck to the thought that the guy you are interested in is upset that you have a friend guy. But the thought was not true. Now that you ended the friendship, the fear gets stuck to other thoughts, doesn’t it? Fear sticks to thoughts and we end up believing things that are not true.

What is the current situation with the guy you are interested- did you get together with him more that one time and what is the texting status?

anita