Dear Anita,

It sure was. In fact, some of which I only realized during our recent exercise.  Here are some of the things I observed during this exercise (in addition to all that I have written recently)

• my mother’s voice to me in private, the true mother-daughter talk is forgotten.  because it was not important.  it was not important to her to speak to me, her daughter in a certain way – in order for my development to be appropriate or positive.
• all of the mother-daughter talk that is remembered is her talking AT me, about life, and tragedy, and woe is me, and “lessons” about the bad world, and what I should and should not do.
• I see now, as an adult, that the talk between an adult and child also “should” include aspects of self development, and identity development.  or if not promoting that out right – at least not inhibiting it.
• her voice to the public about me was not congruent with her voice to me
• in fact she was unpredictable all around – and so this not develop trust in a child, and it surely does not build..self trust