1. I can only honestly remember my father physically disciplining us once by wiping us with a belt. We weren’t typically bad children that required much discipline outside of a verbal warning occasionally. And my mother stood by my dad’s discipline, as to not show they were on separate “teams”. I never felt abused growing up by either parent. Although my dad, struggling heavily with alcoholism, definitely took alot of anger out on my mother physically. Both my sister and I had witnessed that afew times. Physically and verbally. Occasionally we’d hear the physical violence going on in their bedroom. I will say that at a young age (maybe about 10) after seeing my dad physically assaulting his new girlfriend, after me and my sister ran and hid, I promised my sister then that I’d never turn out like my dad, and never get as angry as him. I remember that very vividly. And I think my dedication to that promise has robbed me of alot of my manhood- pulling me in a direction to vow that masculinity and to be anything like my father was dangerous.

2. Typically after the fights, my mom was naturally very upset. But I don’t recall anything her saying burying itself in me. I knew what was going on, and from where she was saying those things emotionally. While divorced and her raising us, she wasn’t fond of him at all for his lack of help in raising us financially. She did well at keeping it pretty quite in front of us, but occasionally she might let something slip out of frustration, but never anything too demeaning. She was very adult about the situation, now that I’m looking back.

And in terms of my dating life and the most recent date. I did tell my date from last night that I had a great time, and that I’d like seeing her again, but I haven’t heard back from her. Ironically though, it hasn’t had much of an effect on me. My focus of today has gradually been pulled back to the original girl from last week that ghosted me. Although the woman I went out with last night seemed more mature, was more attractive, and less forward in her emotions. I felt like I had a far deeper connection with the previous date. On a chemistry level, and an emotional level. Granted- I do realize that this may have been a ruse put on by her in an attempt for her to get what she wants, emotionally detatched from our engagements. While I, typically very guarded and slow to open to anyone on an emotional level, was made vulnerable by her aggressive methods.

Of course, I can’t blame her for this. She’s doing what’s natural to her at the moment, and she was only acting how she felt, as was I. And it’s not her fault, or her problem that I react the way that I do to any hint of an emotional connection after being single and lonely for the past 2 years.

All that being said- would you advise against trying to reconnect with her from my end? In some friendly way of reaching out, saying something to the effect of “I thought we had a good date personally, but if for whatever reason you didn’t, or you felt any specific way about it, that’s fine. I think we got along great, and had alot in common and could at least remain friends”? Thanks, Anita