Thank you again for helping me in this situation Anita. Seeing that you responded to something on here is about the only bit of solace I’m finding emotionally during this period of time.

My parents divorced when I was about 8. Before then, she was really great. She was the compassionate one of the 2, but never was too soft or too hard on us. After the divorce, my mom stayed single until I was about 20, focusing on raising me and my 1 year older sister. She worked 50-60 hours a week as a machinist when we got to around 15 and remarried when I turned 20. She divorced afew years later, and is single now in her mid 50s.

In terms of her treatment of me growing up, I suppose one might say she was “too soft”, but I don’t think anything stands out outside of the typical mother behaviors. I look back and can say she did what she thought was best any time she did something, and really tried as a single mother.

One thing that happened that I think plays a big role in my social makeup, definitely for worse, is that when I was in the 7’th grade, about 12-13 years old, she took us out of public school and began homeschooling us. With her working as much as she was, it resulted typically in us just sleeping late, watching alot of tv, and not doing much school work. And also not socializing like our peers that stayed in school were doing. I believe I missed out on alot of growing, and skillsets that I should have developed in my teenage years as a result. If I met someone new today, I can hold a conversation with them like anyone else could, so it’s not like there are many surface level problems that are very noticable about me you could pick up on as a result of lacking those social skills when I was younger. I feel I picked them up eventually along the way. But I DO believe it plays a very big part in the problems I face with dating, attraction, and women in general. I feel like alot of teenage boys in high school are probably more comfortable speaking with and making friends with women their age than I am doing the same with women my age. Although I don’t know if that’s normal or if it’s just par for the course.

The decision to homeschool was out of a portrayed disdain we were fabricating for the school in general. She really thought she was helping us by getting away from our situations AT school, but it wasn’t as bad as we were making it out to be (or at least in my case). I just hated going to school like every other kid that was my age at the time I suppose. My father definitely didn’t disappear from our lives. I actually work at the same place as him, and we talk quite abit. During childhood, he played the disciplinary role, but I never found his level of discipline unreasonable. I felt they were good parents given the cards they were dealt.

One thing that happened in my childhood that hasn’t been brought up yet, but may have played a significant role in my development was that at around the age of 4 or 5, I had an older cousin by about 6 years molest me. I don’t believe there was any penetration, or that he touched MY body, and to be honest. I don’t remember most of it at all. I’m not entirely sure if it’s had an effect on my sexual development or anything, but I do remember having thoughts in class with my peers at a young age, that I’d been introduced to something they knew nothing about (sexual activity), and it almost made me feel more “grown” than them. I of course didn’t share this with anyone my age, what had happened eventually came out to the family, but it had been kept pretty quite.

Thank you Anita.

My mother really didn’t date other men when I was growing up. Sex was abit of an awkward topic to bring up (as with any son and mother I suppose), so intimacy, relationships and dating really was never discussed at all in my household as a child. There was love between us, saying we love each other, but never anything outside of that. I had no dates growing up, and no the opportunity to have that discussion never came about, even though it probably should have regardless. Romantic relationships didn’t exist at all in my household growing up. My mom didn’t date. I didn’t date. Only my sister had a relationship. I didn’t see any of that emotion. My mom, working in a male dominated industry, was playing both the roles of mother and father. Dating fell by the wayside until I moved out at about 18.

The date went really well. We met at the same place I took the date a week ago, and once I got there, my heart kind of began racing, but I was fine after a minute or 2. The date went well. Good conversation over the hour we were there. She was sweet, and we enjoyed each other. I tried (very little) to go for the kiss at the end, but got a hug. It didn’t effect me being rejected for it though. She texted me when she got home, “Even though it was very short, I had an amazing time. Thank you” 🙂

• This reply was modified 4 years, 12 months ago by Josh.

1. I can only honestly remember my father physically disciplining us once by wiping us with a belt. We weren’t typically bad children that required much discipline outside of a verbal warning occasionally. And my mother stood by my dad’s discipline, as to not show they were on separate “teams”. I never felt abused growing up by either parent. Although my dad, struggling heavily with alcoholism, definitely took alot of anger out on my mother physically. Both my sister and I had witnessed that afew times. Physically and verbally. Occasionally we’d hear the physical violence going on in their bedroom. I will say that at a young age (maybe about 10) after seeing my dad physically assaulting his new girlfriend, after me and my sister ran and hid, I promised my sister then that I’d never turn out like my dad, and never get as angry as him. I remember that very vividly. And I think my dedication to that promise has robbed me of alot of my manhood- pulling me in a direction to vow that masculinity and to be anything like my father was dangerous.

2. Typically after the fights, my mom was naturally very upset. But I don’t recall anything her saying burying itself in me. I knew what was going on, and from where she was saying those things emotionally. While divorced and her raising us, she wasn’t fond of him at all for his lack of help in raising us financially. She did well at keeping it pretty quite in front of us, but occasionally she might let something slip out of frustration, but never anything too demeaning. She was very adult about the situation, now that I’m looking back.

And in terms of my dating life and the most recent date. I did tell my date from last night that I had a great time, and that I’d like seeing her again, but I haven’t heard back from her. Ironically though, it hasn’t had much of an effect on me. My focus of today has gradually been pulled back to the original girl from last week that ghosted me. Although the woman I went out with last night seemed more mature, was more attractive, and less forward in her emotions. I felt like I had a far deeper connection with the previous date. On a chemistry level, and an emotional level. Granted- I do realize that this may have been a ruse put on by her in an attempt for her to get what she wants, emotionally detatched from our engagements. While I, typically very guarded and slow to open to anyone on an emotional level, was made vulnerable by her aggressive methods.

Of course, I can’t blame her for this. She’s doing what’s natural to her at the moment, and she was only acting how she felt, as was I. And it’s not her fault, or her problem that I react the way that I do to any hint of an emotional connection after being single and lonely for the past 2 years.

All that being said- would you advise against trying to reconnect with her from my end? In some friendly way of reaching out, saying something to the effect of “I thought we had a good date personally, but if for whatever reason you didn’t, or you felt any specific way about it, that’s fine. I think we got along great, and had alot in common and could at least remain friends”? Thanks, Anita