Forum Replies Created
June 22, 2021 at 7:08 am #381843
I so feel for you. I know exactly what you went through when you were already invested in the guy before he introduced a third angle – whether the third angle is a girlfriend, a wife, a new job or degree in another country, my parents don’t agree, my faith etc etc.
Many members have written patient and detailed responses which I hope you will find useful.
I will share my short response.
1. This guy was so not worth you or his gf. He lacks character, courage and any integrity whatsoever. He cheated on both of you. He really really disrespected you. And, he made her a villain in your eyes. Gowd, he is just so not worth it. Its going to be very painful but really sometimes not getting what we want is a wonderful stroke of luck.
2. There is something in you that allowed you to be led by such a guy and be part of a crumbs relationship. Please work on your own healing. If you will work on your own healing, two years from now… you will look back and be surprised that you ever accepted such a guy and such a relationship. The road may be long but you can do it!
3. His gf has her issues to accept a cheater back. Those are her issues, not for you to dwell on or solve. She will dace her demons when she is ready.
Love, if you can empathise with this guy, use your empathy for yourself, for this gal who was cheated on again and again over the last two years, who has been humiliated and made a villain. Take your self respect, hold your head high and start walking…. in the opposite direction….
You can do it!May 29, 2021 at 10:39 am #380686
I have been on the receiving end of this ssituation. In my view, you did have an eemotional affair. But it doesn’t change the fact that your last relationship was not in line with what you wanted from your life. Its obviously easier to find someone else before leaving the last relationship and often people develop emotional relationships when they are struggling with their current ones. Its good you realise that…. next time if you find yourself in a relationship that doesn’t work, take input from neutral parties as you have been advised well… and then walk out before falling for a new person. It builds emotional backbone and then you can build your new relationship on an even stronger and mature footing. Its okay, it happened, its human. I hope your current relationship works out and if there are challenges which are normal part of any journey, you know how to address those. All the best.January 12, 2021 at 3:03 pm #372700
Cath, I feel so sorry for you, really. Olease don’t beat yourself up. I have been there… not in your exact situation… but in relationship where I closed my eyes to the reality and humiliated my self esteem so badly. Things changed when I did. Do you think you would respond to this man and pursue him or let him pursue you if he comes back again….?January 12, 2021 at 9:21 am #372673
He is not the right guy for you. Period.
A guy who does not find you attractive is not the right guy for you. You are attractive, everyone is. There are many many girls as beautiful or cute as you who will not find him attractive. It is normal.
I feel sad that a guy thinks he is settling with you and you and your family and friends think he is just the right guy for you.
Love.January 12, 2021 at 8:39 am #372671
This Indian guy you dated is an a$$hole in simple words. You do not deserve how he treated you. Your daughters do not deserve the example of such a man in their mom’s life.
I am an Indian who grew up in India. I know a lot of Indian men and women who cop out on their love relationship in the name of my parents blah and many who stay true to their relationship.
The guy you dated was lying to you in many ways, playing on and off, not having courage and strength of character. And, your story is more or kess similar to mine. I left mine couple years back and things started becoming better with time, my self esteem returned. Pleasw focus this time on healing yourself and your daughters. You have been through a lot, a divorce and then this.
I know its difficult, I have been there, best option is to go no contact and focus all your energy on understanding what led you to those two relationships – your marriage and this guy – and work on yourself.
Its not your mistake at all. There is nothing that you could have done about it. He knew he had Indian parents and a white girlfriend. Replace white with “taller than me,” older than me”, girl from another caste, girl from another religion, etc etc etc. This is all crap. He is an adult. And why do you want an adult whose parents decide who he will marry in your life….?
The guy was a bad deal anyway. I wish I could have said all this to myself when I had wasted two years of my life on my ex, I wasted many more. But, today, I can’t believe I loved that kind of a person at all. Today, I would never fall for anyone who mistreats me, is immature, parents boy, even if he was nice to me initially.
Sending you love.May 5, 2019 at 5:23 am #292417
I understand Josh. I have been there and know how painful it is. I hope you will feel better soon and something healing for you will come out of this experience.May 5, 2019 at 4:51 am #292413
And by the way, my therapist is Jerry Wise from Jerry Wise Relationship Systems. He has a YouTube channel on which he has posted some 150 free videos, check those out and if you like him, you can make contact. Even if you don’t hire him, the videos are almost thousands of free therapy. All the best!May 5, 2019 at 4:48 am #292411
I read your original post but not the following conversation. Here is what I want to say:
– Thank you soooo much for sharing your experience. You have no idea the number of people you will help by sharing your vulnerability. Self improvement is like this – two steps forward one step back. You have made a huge huge progress in these 2 years and it’s so clear from your insights and self reflection.
But you are also a human and you did get attached and that’s very normal. I have been there, I have been hard on myself and looking back I have learnt something about myself from those dates. Some self improvement happens in silo/ as solo and some happens through people experiences. Frankly, there is some self improvement there for the girl too in the way she disappeared, coz she is human too.
I am learning to accept myself even when I am not perfect in my self improvement journey. As my therapist says, being hard on myself is a part of the journey too…so let’s love and accept ourselves even when we are being hard on ourselves. It’s all okay. You sound like a wonderful person to me, also very wise and thankfully very human.
i hope other members will share more helpful insights with you.
KMay 5, 2019 at 1:14 am #292409
Dear Lost cloud,
You asked in one of your posts if others have been in the same boat.
I have been and I gave almost a decade of my life. And then one day, I got up and started moving in the other direction. No contact with him whatsoever, no response, no seeking validation, there was no real remorse or validation he could give anyway or that I could trust.
It was a difficult journey, all the time I had spent in that drama, I spent on myself. He went on with another relationship. Good for him. Doesn’t change a single bit about my decision to move on. I had a similar journey, looking for validation, looking for answers, looking for justice, then came the more difficult but sooooooo much beautiful parts of my journey – knowing about myself, what led me to and kept me in that relationship. And once the pinky rose glasses were broken, they were broken..I realize I had often been surrounded by such assholes men and women in different relationships. The journey counties…there is a lot to be learnt but these years are the best years of my life. I have felt deep shame, regret, guilt, anxiety, depression, hopelessness, anger, rage, compassion, self-love, self-forgiveness, calm, peace of mind and peace of heart.
You will find that too. Just one thing – non negotiable, no contact, leave no way for him to reach you. You will find your way.
KAugust 11, 2018 at 12:47 am #221113
Hi Elena, Happy Birthday!
I can’t unfortunateky find a way for a private message. 🙁
You could sign up on meetup.com and look for things to do near your area today and in future. I am going for a hike tomorrow so decided against the Zurich parade today..
I go to meetups – there are people of all agree groups and nationalities who want to do things together in company. There is also InterNations – they charge 70 chf a year for their membership – Internations is more active in big cities thoughAugust 9, 2018 at 2:00 pm #220895
Let’s have a party! Do you want to go to Zurich street parade?August 9, 2018 at 1:59 pm #220893
Happiest Happy Birthday Elena! Where do you live? I live in Basel. 🙂January 22, 2018 at 12:21 pm #188151
Roxysue, if you want a committed relationship and he has not already committed after two years, better leave now. It’s going to be painful, lot of heartbreak and will power to stop you from going back, but you will have to do it someday – today, six months later, one year later….
i read some where – when people tell you the first time who they are, believe them.January 14, 2018 at 6:41 am #186551
*love relationships! ?????????????❤️January 14, 2018 at 6:40 am #186549
Happy Birthday Eliana. Today is your day and atleast here in Tiny Buddha world we are all singing Happy Birthday song for you and sending you lots of wishes and peace.
I hope God listens to your prayers and sends you much love and healing. You make a difference in lives of people here.
May this be a year of healing and lose relationships for you.