First I want to note that failing in a relationship does not make you a failure. MOST relationships fail, no matter who you are. That’s just how life is. It’s hard to find someone who will be compatible for the long haul, even with the relationships that start out wonderfully and seem perfect.  So please don’t measure your self-worth (especially to the point you feel embarrassed) on relationship failures because that really has no bearing on your worth, I promise.

I don’t think it’s that you’re doing something wrong, per se. I think this was just the wrong guy for you. So maybe the only thing wrong you did here was continue to want to be with him after he ghosted you for 3 months. When guys do that, that’s a clue that they don’t deserve your love and to move on. It’s better to just leave those guys in the past.

What I would suggest is just taking time to yourself and figuring out what you REALLY want in a relationship. How do you want to be treated? Do you want a guy whose actions line up with his words? If so, write that down. Do you want him to be loving and affectionate or do you prefer less affection? There’s no real wrong answer here if you’re being true to what would make you happy. You don’t have to make specific physical characteristics because sometimes we don’t really know what we want in that arena, but you should definitely know your dealbreakers… and I think ghosting (where someone stops talking to you for months, weeks, or even several days at at time) should be one of them. Then don’t settle for less than that.  It’s not YOU, it’s the guys you’re choosing.

Also, you can learn to be content alone by finding things that give you the same feelings that guys do. Connect with and do fun things with friends. Read interesting novels. Get some new hobbies that you really enjoy. Use the time when you’re single to develop who you are and figure out what you want, and it’s likely the right person will come to you at some point or you’ll just have a chance meeting… but you have to be clear on what you will and won’t settle for.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Valora.