Hi Alisa,

The point of your message is that you have written all this stuff down and have, in some small way, released it instead of bottling it all up.  This person has been a very close and good friend to you and the feeling you have of wanting to join her is a very common one.  People who are suicidal are not in a logical frame of mind and she suffered from depression and addictions as well as having been raped.  Who knows what tipped the balance for her that day?  I don’t think anyone will ever make any sense out of it.  She just decided she didn’t want to live any more.  It’s the choice she made.

You have a grieving process to go through.  You are still in the initial stages of shock and disbelief.  This will take time for you to come to terms with.  She will always have played a very important part in your life.  You will always have special memories of her.  They will be with you forever.  You can always keep her in your heart.

As this friendship was so special to you, it might be beneficial for you to seek bereavement counselling if and when you are able to.

Come back to me if you need to.

Peggy