Dear Cali Chica:

“I was tricked for so long because my mother was SOOO attentive… It is easy to be tricked into thinking people are ‘loving’ genuinely. But it is often a front, that innocent people  buy into… I was tricked by my mother’s concern and attentiveness… Tricked in the sense that it was all an illusion feigning as love”-

– your brain tricked you to believe she loved you because a child cannot survive aware that her mother doesn’t love her. So the child makes believe her mother loves her, takes any possible evidence of love .. as love. The boy in the subway will make believe his mother loves him because she paid him a moment of attention, and he will dismiss the evidence of her being so inattentive to him that he hurt his head, even if he gets hurt badly.

It is the child’s brain that tricks the child for the purpose of survival.

My Reality: my mother didn’t love me. I made believe that she did.

My Reality: my mother didn’t expect me to give her a good life, materially,  once I was an adult (she didn’t value me as capable of helping her). I made believe it was her expectation because I needed to believe that she does value me, at least projected into the future.

Funny almost, she didn’t believe in me as someone capable of helping her in any way, shape or form. So she helped herself to me, that is, she used me to … express herself, to blow off steam.

anita