I hope the wife knows that her husband’s behaviors are more about his issues then hers. If he wasn’t having his own issues he would have been able to address the issues in the relationship instead of trying to have a wife and a secret girlfriend. I can’t necessarily speak about his perspective but I can share mine. I am someone who has struggled with the temptation to look outside of my marriage for validation. I am also married to an absolutely amazing man who did nothing to deserve me looking elsewhere. Lots of therapy and reflection have shown that it has to do with my underlying belief that eventually my husband will leave me because I am horrible and I will be left incomplete without a man. Sounds silly when I say it out loud but unconscious beliefs aren’t always rational. Furthermore I hope that she is able to work with someone, such as a therapist, to process everything she is feeling, thinking, and going through. Give her my best.