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Chloe Rose

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #308147
    Chloe Rose
    Participant

    Make a safety plan with someone who is experienced in the field. Leaving is the most dangerous time for a person being abused. It sounds like you need to leave, but make sure you are doing it the safest way possible. Sending you love. I’m sure the hotline can refer you to local resources to get connected with.

    #306455
    Chloe Rose
    Participant

    Thank you Mark and Anita. My husband and I have been married 11 years. Usually we are pretty good at working things out, but it feels like these issues keep coming up! He really is a wonderful man in so many aspects. It just feels like I’ve found his flaws and he is unwilling to change these! I’ll try what you two have advised because what I’m doing isn’t working! Thanks!

    #306453
    Chloe Rose
    Participant

    Hey Aster,

    First of all, my advice is to have compassion for yourself. Not many of us can say that we haven’t gotten caught up in a romantic relationship that wasn’t in our best interest. And it’s absolutely understandable that it’s hard to shut off feelings.

    That being said,  he made a huge mistake. If he isn’t willing to go to whatever lengths necessary to rectify things (ie going to counseling) or puts the burden on you to get over when he is the one that messed up, I wonder how sorry he really is… I think counseling is a great idea. He has to change something otherwise he will cheat again. It’s ok to hold him accountable. But I also suggest you take this advice with a grain of salt. You know what’s best for YOU. We hope you act on it. Best wishes through this tough time.

    #305249
    Chloe Rose
    Participant

    Hi Tanya,

    I just want to say I’ve been in a similar  spot you’re in. It gets easier. In my experience, I hated myself for so long. I’m learning now that self hatred only kept me stuck. Interestingly once I started having self-compassion I was better able to move on. Everyone has something in this world they want but isn’t meant for them. You are not crazy, pathetic, anything. However, compassion for yourself doesn’t mean just do whatever you want. My intention, and it sounds like yours too, is to cultivate a great marriage. So keep making good decisions in that direction but understand you are human, just like the rest of us. Good job on taking those first tough steps and keep it up. Best of luck on this journey!

    #305247
    Chloe Rose
    Participant

    Also, just a guess but I would think that there would be different karma for different situations. The people who need to kill to survive should be treated differently than those who consume animals merely because they like the taste. One type of killing seems justified and the other is selfish. I mean, would killing a human in self defense have the same karma attached as murdering someone for selfish gain?  That’s just a thought though…

    #305245
    Chloe Rose
    Participant

    I’m mostly vegan and haven’t had meat in a few years. I guess these are the reasons I feel we humans are different than animals in regards to eating animals. 1) we don’t need it to survive. There are lots and lots of very healthy people who don’t. In fact, it is healthier to not. 2) we are different than animals due to our capacity of moral reasoning and recognizing the emotions and suffering of others. Because of this we are held to a different standard than animals and should act accordingly. We have the ability to understand that sentient being suffer. 3) Animals don’t inflict intentional suffering on the animals they kill like we humans do in our factory farming practices. Now, I’m in a time where I’m exploring different spiritual beliefs so I can’t say with any sort of authority what the relationship between karma and eating animals is, but what I’ve gathered in my little bit of understanding of Buddhism is that we are to a vapid doing harm. Not consuming animal products is one way to get towards this goal. Thanks for the interesting question and for letting me share my thoughts. I’m interested in what others think.

    #304227
    Chloe Rose
    Participant

    Thank you all for your kind words 🙂

    #304161
    Chloe Rose
    Participant

    And it’s probably a lot easier for the husband to blame the wife than it is for him to take an honest look at what’s going on for him…

    #304159
    Chloe Rose
    Participant

    I hope the wife knows that her husband’s behaviors are more about his issues then hers. If he wasn’t having his own issues he would have been able to address the issues in the relationship instead of trying to have a wife and a secret girlfriend. I can’t necessarily speak about his perspective but I can share mine. I am someone who has struggled with the temptation to look outside of my marriage for validation. I am also married to an absolutely amazing man who did nothing to deserve me looking elsewhere. Lots of therapy and reflection have shown that it has to do with my underlying belief that eventually my husband will leave me because I am horrible and I will be left incomplete without a man. Sounds silly when I say it out loud but unconscious beliefs aren’t always rational. Furthermore I hope that she is able to work with someone, such as a therapist, to process everything she is feeling, thinking, and going through. Give her my best.

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)