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In a situation about leaving my fiancée

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Mark 1 day, 7 hours ago.

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  • #307921

    Valentina
    Participant

    Ok so today me and my fiancée had a argument just because my mom called me so that I can visit her. He knows that I use to text another man that I never even hanged out with and he lives close to my moms house. Well when I told my fiancé I have the free will to visit my mother he threw me on the bed and started to choke me. I couldn’t believe the eyes he had while he was looking at me telling me it’s not my choice. Currently right now my neck hurts and my lips are purple. He threaten that if I call the police I will lose everything and my child will lose a father. I never posted on here about my fiancé’s abusive side but my fiancé has hit me before but today was the most serious he’s done. My fiancé is bipolar and he got home with a bad mood already. I just don’t know if I should really do something about this. I also tried chatting with the national abuse hotline and they advise me to go to a shelter and I just can’t picture myself doing that or my child not having his father in the picture. I can’t go to my moms because she has told me it’s not her problem.

    • This topic was modified 5 days ago by  Valentina.
    • This topic was modified 5 days ago by  Valentina.
    #307937

    Mark
    Participant

    Valentina,

    Your child is being taught that it is OK for a man to be abusive towards women.  If it is a male then he will likely to grow up to do the same with women in his life.  If it is a female then she will likely to be attracted to abusive men and feel it is her fault that her mate is violent toward her.

    Picture that and follow the wise and experienced advice of the Hotline.

    Mark

    #307939

    Valentina
    Participant

    Thank you mark, I continued to chat with them and they gave me resources I can contact. I have been dealing with this for 7 years and it’s not an easy decision.

    #307941

    Mark
    Participant

    Valentina,

    I understand it is not an easy decision.  I have read that most women stay in an abusive situation until they see their child/ren threatened or abused by their abuser then that is the final trigger to make them take action.  Please don’t wait for that to happen and even he may never do that, there is what you are doing not only to yourself but to your child.

    The behavioral responses of children who witness domestic violence may include acting out, withdrawal, or anxiousness to please. The children may exhibit signs of anxiety and have a short attention span which may result in poor school performance and attendance. They may experience developmental delays in speech, motor or cognitive skills. They may also use violence to express themselves displaying increased aggression with peers or mother. They can become self-injuring.

    Children from violent homes have higher risks of alcohol/drug abuse, post traumatic stress disorder, and juvenile delinquency. Witnessing domestic violence is the single best predictor of juvenile delinquency and adult criminality. It is also the number one reason children run away.

    Recent childhood trauma studies demonstrate how observing violence has a lasting negative impact on a child’s brain development. Each year, nearly 60% of youth are exposed to violence in their homes, schools, and communities. Over time, exposure to violence during childhood is significantly correlated with negative outcomes; childhood trauma symptoms in adults can appear as psychological issues, adverse behavior, and serious illnesses.

    Mark

    #307949

    Valentina
    Participant

    Thank you Mark for all the information you have provided I honestly didn’t know that being in an abusive relationship can really take a bad effect on a child this is good for me to know because that way I can take the time to really think about this for my child’s health.

    #308049

    Mark
    Participant

    Valentina,

    You have been in this for 7 years.  For your child’s sake, don’t take long to take action to protect your child.

    The research and consequences are well known.  What is there to think about?

    Mark

    #308051

    Valentina
    Participant

    You are right mark. Thank you.

    #308147

    Chloe Rose
    Participant

    Make a safety plan with someone who is experienced in the field. Leaving is the most dangerous time for a person being abused. It sounds like you need to leave, but make sure you are doing it the safest way possible. Sending you love. I’m sure the hotline can refer you to local resources to get connected with.

    #308401

    Valentina
    Participant

    Chloe,

    I have told him to leave my house and he respected that and left so far right now we are taking a break because idk whether I should ask him to get help for his bipolar issues but I’m afraid it will back fire if I ask him to get help. I have been on the hotline many times for the past years and I have been afraid to pick up the phone and call the locations the persons on the hotline have gave me to call. There’s nights where I wake up panicked looking at him. When he was younger he would take medication for his issue but I’m not sure if I should bring it up to him. I’ve told his mother and she said she was going to advise him to take action with his issue or else she will allow me and my child to stay with her in the state she lives in. (His mother and I are 11 hours away.)

    #308439

    Mark
    Participant

    Valentina,

    This is a grown man who is responsible for himself.  If he does not take responsibility for his actions, I doubt he will listen to you about his bipolar/violent behavior.

    Good for you for taking steps to protect yourself and your child.  Change the locks.  This is your house correct?

    Mark

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