Hi Tanya,

I just want to say I’ve been in a similar  spot you’re in. It gets easier. In my experience, I hated myself for so long. I’m learning now that self hatred only kept me stuck. Interestingly once I started having self-compassion I was better able to move on. Everyone has something in this world they want but isn’t meant for them. You are not crazy, pathetic, anything. However, compassion for yourself doesn’t mean just do whatever you want. My intention, and it sounds like yours too, is to cultivate a great marriage. So keep making good decisions in that direction but understand you are human, just like the rest of us. Good job on taking those first tough steps and keep it up. Best of luck on this journey!