Katie,

Firstly, your ex-boyfriend couldn’t have liked you very much if he emotionally and sexually abused you.  He is in the past and that’s where he deserves to be.  You liked and were close to your male cousin when you were 15 but did not want an intimate relationship with him.  You were able to confide in him as a friend.  ‘Abusers’ don’t like their partners to have relationships outside of themselves as it takes their power away.  It gives you a support network and they don’t want that.  This particular boyfriend needs therapy or at least needs to recognize that he has a problem (it’s not YOU, it’s him).  You are well out of this one.

Your male cousin clearly liked you at the time.  You are not in that time any more.  You are in the present.  You felt embarrassed at his behavior.  This is HIS behavior, not yours.  He has shown you a different side to himself and it is not very pleasant.  It sounds as if your cousin hasn’t yet moved on from you which is why he chose to hit on your other cousin in front of you.  You need to rise above their shallow behavior.  Stand tall, not small.

Right now you are feeling rejected and that hurts.  It may take a while for these feelings to subside.  You have invested your emotions into these two cousins and now you need to withdraw them.  Meantime, give yourself all the tender, loving care that you can and slowly but surely you will begin to mend.

I don’t understand your statement to Inky that “you currently have a boyfriend but that doesn’t stop anyone nowadays”.  Are you saying that you don’t trust your boyfriend to be loyal to you?

Peggy