Hi Kylin,

It is unlikely that you are going to screw up your whole life because you make an inappropriate comment.  Your company will know that you take your work seriously and that you put the effort in.  It sounds as if your work may be taking its toll on you and that you need some help in dealing with the effect that this may be having on you.  Does your company offer counselling to help deal with any issues that come up with personnel through work.  If so, perhaps you could take advantage of it.

Humor is a good way of combating stress.  It would be pretty mean if someone were to report you to your company for something that they overheard you saying.  You can’t change anything that you have said in the past so why are you beating yourself up like this.  If you haven’t actually stolen anything, you haven’t done anything wrong.  In the context that you describe, you were just being ‘silly’.

You are being really hard on yourself and you probably need to look a bit deeper as to why you are crying, not sleeping properly, overly concerned about work and having panic attacks.  This is all stress related.  You need to find ways of dealing with this such as taking regular breaks, deep breathing exercises, relaxation techniques and so on.

It sounds as if you are doing a very valuable job and it is OK to speak out about the importance of your work and what it means to you.  Your enthusiasm will be what people remember and that will reflect positively on yourself and your employer.

I hope this helps.

Peggy