Hi Michelle,

Therapy was fine, we didn’t actually get to use the grief method as he merely asked how I was doing when I walked in and the tears more or less burst out and didn’t stop for the whole session! I was a bit embarrassed really as I hadn’t intended to have such a meltdown- I had a dentist appointment after and didn’t want to look like I was on the verge but out it came! My therapist was kind and funny as he normally is so it was fine in the end, he even had me laughing by the time I had to leave.

I knew what I was saying would be contradicted by him, e.g that I’m destined to be sad and alone, that I’m actually a really crap person now that I’m discovering the ‘real me’, that I’ll be a failure in my travel attempts, that there isn’t a single other male human being on the planet that I could ever find and be happy with again….and so it went on. But to be fair, I did feel a bit better just getting it all out of my head and into the universe. It was driving me mad!

He said my work situation  can’t be helping as I have not seemed happy there in the three years he has been seeing me and a toxic workplace is never healthy for anyone. In relation to travel he understand my fear of loneliness but his response was….’well that’s true, you might be lonely. But you can also feel lonely at home, so at least if you’re lonely Down Under, you can think…yes I’m feeling lonely…..but ooh there’s a wallaby! haha, he has a point I guess!

I actually had half a thought of Africa in my head also as my friend (the one near London) will be in Capetown for work in late September, if I wanted to curate my travel to swing that direction, but I’ll see how it works out! I’m prepared to hand in my notice next week and hopefully finish work on Sept 6. Well actually prepared is a bit of an overstatement, I’m actually freaking out, but it will either be a good decision or a bad decision but I won’t know either way until I do it and ye know I like answers…one way or another!

I realise now, I’m still brokenhearted. It happened for a third time, yes. We weren’t fully together this last time, yes. People weren’t even aware, yes. But now it’s over. I’m lost and I suppose I have to find myself again. I’d be happy to just be happy even by myself if I could do that. However, while I try and move on and plan things and progress as best I can, I can’t pretend I’m over him or happier, it is what it is. I’m trying to deal, but it does make me sad.

Michelle,

I absolutely love and admire your spontaneous nature. I think it’s a marvellous idea, why not have a mini-holiday to help you get in the mindset for the bigger one! Also, in my selfish ways, I would love to hear more stories of your travels as you paint such wonderful visions in my mind’s eye! So I’m all for it if you can work it out!

I hope @kkasxo is doing well and that there mini-break was good.