Dear Cali Chica:

You wrote: “I know, I have none of those. Contentment- no. Joy- no. Satisfaction- no. Peace- definitely no. I do not have life living through me. Nope. In fact I do not feel I am living.. what a shame. Surely is.”

In my notes reviewed earlier, I found a quote that I copied in 2011 from Alice Miller: “The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body, and although we can repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated, and conceptions confused, and our body tricked with medication. But someday our body will present its bills, for it is as incorruptible as a child, who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth”.

This quote means something essential to me today and I want to develop my thoughts about it. But if this quote means a lot to you right now, express yourself before reading my thoughts below, will you?

My thoughts:

The truth about my childhood without the intellect altering it, or categorizing it or evaluating it and whatnot, is fear. Such intense and overwhelming fear. I can feel it, truly it, the fear, some of it, a bit. This fear repressed is how  I lived, sick, unwell. This fear is ME, my real life experience of childhood. On and on and on. Scared. So very scared. For so long. So many times so much.

anita