Yes, I understand.

I have been holding this in. I told him my fears and I think we are going to talk about what we are going to do. We are both not closed. We both accept that we don’t know the future which comes with infinite possibilities so we are just going to go with it and see where life takes us.  I told him that I want to go to his side of the world in November and he was happy. Writing here gave me the courage to tell him how I was feeling. While I’m happy that I know I will see him again if even only briefly I’m still feeling anxious about losing him in the capacity that I have him now.

It just feels unfair.

I will accept the pain and sit through it. This is so many times this year. It never feels easier.