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Michelle

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 15 total)
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  • #296123

    Michelle
    Participant

    Thanks @anita I am not religious either but that is somehow helpful. I will try to remain calm. This will finally pass one day.

    #296051

    Michelle
    Participant

    Thank you both Anita and Brandy but I don’t feel that I can tell him. I am just going to try to forget it.  He can not help what I did. I just hope that it goes unnoticed. I am probably magnifying it.

    #296009

    Michelle
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Maybe guilt was the wrong word. Fear. Fear that I will get caught and he will hurt me more. I’m not doing anything else.</p>

    #296005

    Michelle
    Participant

    Amazingly stupid*

    #296003

    Michelle
    Participant

    @anita I think the guilt is because I know what I did could have been Ana I fly stupid for me. I’m the only one that will suffer because of what I did. Maybe it is guilt and fear. I am overwhelmed  with thoughts that I will be caught and this bully will become worse.  I would like to think that everyone other than the bully would be thankful for what I did.

    #296001

    Michelle
    Participant

    To be clear what I did no one would consider bad  other than the person who has been bullying me.

    #295997

    Michelle
    Participant

    @brandy no my attorney is not aware I will not tell him as if I do then it will be bad. I am magnifying it in my mind so maybe it is more than it is. Law questioned me over a year ago so way before.

    #295995

    Michelle
    Participant

    I wish I didn’t do it even though with good intention. I can’t take it back.

    #295993

    Michelle
    Participant

    What I do was to prevent innocent people from being harmed. 100%  with good intention. But it has taken over my thoughts that I will somehow be caught. This person is bad so being caught is scary.

    #295981

    Michelle
    Participant

    Thank you @anita that does give me some peace

    #295979

    Michelle
    Participant

    Well first correction what he/she is doing is very illegal just no one  cares sometimes I wonder if this person had have connections.

    I was actually questioned by a government  law enforcement agency  for hours. There might still be an investigation I don’t know.  They found me  I didn’t go to them.

    I do have legal representation  that is good it just takes so long and so much stress and this person  and every time something happens it’s like it is just starting s over again.  The cost is high  so that is a burden as well. This person is a liar I have seen them lie with no remorse in court. This persons representation is also corrupt  and every acquisition despite no evidence must be heard and examined. So the harassment is never ending.

    I have learned to live with the case. It’s the guilt of something I have done recently. Even though for a good purpose how do I get past the guilt.

    #295959

    Michelle
    Participant

    Well after a bunch of drinks he made a comment about traveling somewhere and not caring about what happened to him. I said that’s sad and I asked why. He said all he cared about was saving animals. The only other thing he does is work and sleep with women pretty much but used a more vulgar term.

    So I cut off the 2nd date and didn’t expect to hear from him again, but he texted me the next day. I said that I didn’t want to be in that type of situation. So he apologized many times, for disrespect, etc. He told me I was different he actually liked me that was for fun. He still actively pursued me.  So we ended up going out again. I thought that I was being open minded. I had said stupid things in the past. I thought that maybe I should listen since he was trying so hard to convince me that he liked me and was relentlessly apologetic. We talked about expectations etc. and we didn’t become intimate right away after that (but I wouldn’t say we waited a long time). There is a chance at one point he did tell me what he was all about and I didn’t listen. That’s what I think about and it makes me feel badly that I didn’t listen.

    I don’t know which is which. Did he like me and actually want to date me and mean all of the things he said to me? Or Did I just fall for it and get myself hurt?

    Again we were always kind to each other, and I don’t feel he ever treated me personally badly or in a disrespectful way. At one point. I feel he even made multiple efforts to comfort me through some hard things I am going through in my life.

    But the thought it there…. that maybe I was used. It feels bad because I heard it and did it anyway.

    #295929

    Michelle
    Participant

    @anita thank you for your suggestion.

    He already told me why he ended it with me in his breakup text with me the reason was that his life had too much instability and he felt that I needed something with some stability and consistency. He told me I was really “cool” so he didn’t feel good writing this and that we are not currently aligned from the perspective of stability and shouldn’t continue until we are aligned. Which on his end meant things calming down but at the same time he wasn’t saying we would continue because he told me he hoped I find something fulfilling. I don’t need to ask him again because he told me and i accept his answer if it was the full truth or not.

    I worry that I was used because he made a comment on our second date after quite a few drinks that I did not like concerning intimacy with women and he is definitely very sexual and not shy about it. I cut him off after the comment and didn’t expect to hear from him again but he continued to pursue me and apologized relentlessly so I chose to believe him. He told me that was for fun and he had actually liked me amongst other things. But that one comment still resides in my mind. That is why I wonder if he even liked me at all.

    I guess I have a lot of bad things going on in my life so the anxiety could also perhaps be a collection of everything which makes it more intense.

    I feel like talking it out makes me feel the best, but therapy has never really been that helpful for me.

    #295875

    Michelle
    Participant

    I can’t remember but I don’t think this type of anxiety is normal for me. I think I only get it when I feel a connection with someone and really like them. I don’t feel that way about many people that I date, so I do not get this anxiety often.

    #295779

    Michelle
    Participant

    @anita

    I don’t know if had any anxiety. If he did I didn’t sense it.

    I find myself wondering if he even liked me at all. Maybe he just wanted intimacy.

    —————–

    It’s not better today. I still feel depressed and miss our conversations.

    I find myself wondering if he will ever pop into my life again.

    Even though he’s gone. The anxiety is still there.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 15 total)