Hi Kylin,

Social media has a lot to answer for.  Some people can just shrug things off and other people take them to heart.  We are all capable of  being embarrassed by something that happened in the past.  You cannot change what happened, you can just chose to see it differently.  Because you hadn’t practised, you weren’t as good as you might have been.  Had you practised, you might very well have done much better or even won the event.  There is no need to feel useless because of this one thing.  Most of us were useless at reading before we were 5.  After 5 years of practice, most of us got quite good/skilled at reading.  Replace your embarrassment with compassion both for yourself and for those who took the images.  With hindsight, they may very well be embarrassed at the way they behaved.

In Reiki Healing, mental and emotional issues are both covered by the same symbol.  In part, this is because how we think affects how we feel.  This works in reverse as well.  One does not exist without the other.  Sometimes, just placing one hand on your solar plexus and one hand on your forehead can calm you down (breathing deeply into the hand on your solar plexus).  Perhaps you could try that for a few minutes at a time whilst you are taking breaks etc.

Making mistakes is not the same as failing.  Making mistakes gives you the opportunity to learn.  The most you can ever do is your best.

I am sorry that you are feeling so sad and fearful.  What you need are mega doses of peace, love and joy, the very things that you have been wanting to give your parents in their retirement.

Peggy