I agree and realized a lot of what you are saying Valora. But why not address the issue at that moment? Or at the end of the day when things cooled off a bit for her? I said this (to myself and possibly to her, dont remember) when she insisted that moving in wasnt a good idea (hers by the way); this relationship will not end cuz of a break up but rather from a lack of communication. And i was right. I perhaps need to be less pushy and helpful but if i really care about u i will try my best to help.

Because sometimes people don’t realize for themselves that they are scared or WHY they are scared. She may have had those feelings of not wanting to do the things you were suggesting anymore but wasn’t sure what that feeling was or why she was feeling that way. It’s hard to clearly communicate feelings you don’t realize you have at the time.  I’ve learned it’s better to just not push people in the first place. Offer advice and guidance when they specifically ASK for it and otherwise just be there to listen and support.

I instantly realized what I was doing was what my ex wanted. But still those were things she was right that I had to work on. And while they were told by a previous partner, I still wanted to do them. But being pushy is subjective to ppl. Theres being encouraging to ppl, motivating someone, trying to help someone, beinh pushy, aggressive and just plain forcing someone etc. Different ppl can view things differently. She probably felt the right end of that spectrum.

Honestly, most things are subjective. Being pushy is subjective, but so is wanting attention and the amount of attention or space someone needs. For example, someone who likes to cuddle can be seen as cuddly and attentive or it can be seen as needy, depending on who you’re dating. It’s definitely good to work on the things you want to work on after someone points them out, because that shows growth, but that doesn’t mean that working on those things will make you compatible with everyone because not everyone values those things.  So you just have to kind of be the kind of boyfriend/man you feel the best being and find someone who matches with that while realizing that not everyone will… and if someone tells you they feel they aren’t your match, you just have to believe them.

I think what it sounds like you were trying to do was to be HELPFUL, which she probably felt you were being at first, but if she then got scared of moving or changing jobs (because those really are big, scary life changes), and you kept encouraging her to do it (trying to be helpful), then that’s when it starts feeling pushy rather than helpful because she’s changed her mind (even if she didn’t communicate that).  So, in the future, if that kind of thing happens again, just be sure to help mainly just when asked when it comes to that stuff. If you create a resume and she leaves it on the table, maybe ask once if she forgot it or of she changed her mind about switching, and if she forgets it again, I’d just let it go at that point.