Hello Rideeta,

I am sorry that you have taken your break-up so badly.  Three years is a long time to remain in a state of grief but, as Anita said, it’s tough when you have to continue seeing him.  You really love him but how much do you really love yourself?  If you really loved yourself, would you be putting yourself through so much heartache and pain?  You are lonely and suicidal – you want some kind words.  I wonder how often you are kind to yourself with your words.

You have someone who is in love with you who is kind and nice.  You don’t love him “yet” and you may never love him but you are not giving him a chance because someone who isn’t in love with you and doesn’t want to be kind to you any more still has your affections.  Grieving is a process of letting go.  You are refusing to let go.  Has it ever occurred to you that you can let him go with love?

Where has your anxiety come from?  You mention meditation but do you pay attention to your breathing whilst you meditate.  Are you making sure that your breath enters and inflates your lungs sufficiently?  Easy to check – place one hand at the lower end of your ribcage and ‘breathe’ into it.  You should be able to feel a definite inflation and deflation of your lungs as your breath comes in and out.  You can add words such as “rising” and “falling” as your breath comes in and out – you can add words such as “PEACE” on the in breath and “RELAX” as you breathe out.  Have you been taught to place your feet flat on the floor and connect with Earth before you meditate?  Do you play relaxing music as you drift off to sleep (or not)?

Anita has much more information on drugs, medication, psychotherapy etc. than I have.  It is my feeling that your anxiety began to take shape much longer than three years ago.  How old were you when you met, what reasons did he have for breaking up with you and why is this the be all and end all of life for you?  Feeling lonely and suicidal means you have nothing to live for.  Is that the truth?

I hope your exam goes well for you.

Peggy