September 6, 2019 at 12:04 pm #310609
I am going through a tough time. It’s been three years since my break up and I have told see my ex everyday in the same classes. It is difficult for me as I really love him.
Someone else has fallen in love with me and I told him I need more time to grieve for my last relationship. He’s kind and nice. He is not the one I love.
I would like to be alone. Meditate, take my anxiety medication on time and finish college.
I tend to abuse clonazepam when sad. Because I can just stop crying and go to sleep. I tried counselling, it did not help much in regards to the pain of break up. I have already talked to my ex. He wants nothing to do with me. I need time to grieve.
Not sure why I am writing. Cannot sleep maybe that’s why. Kind words may help. Thanks people out there. Be okay.
September 6, 2019 at 1:00 pm #310641
- This topic was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by rideeta.
I feel extremely lonely and suicidal. I have an exam tomorrow. I really wanted to talk to someone. Maybe everyone is just busy today.
Hey, I do not want to be so lonely. I shall try to sleep. Without medication. Have an exam tomorrow. Medication will make sleep easier but I need to wake up on time for my classes.September 6, 2019 at 1:03 pm #310645
It is tough to get over a breakup when the man is in your everyday life, right there in the classes you attend. Are you doing okay in those classes, able to focus on the subject matter?
And how long do you have before graduating; how long do you expect to be in the same college with him?
*after submitting the above I noticed your second post (double posting), will reply to it next.
September 6, 2019 at 1:06 pm #310647
- This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.
I am not okay. I like attending classes but my focus is waay off. About 8 more months till I graduate.
P.S. Thank you Anita. I was hoping you would show up.September 6, 2019 at 1:15 pm #310685
You mentioned abusing clonazepam- I used it for 17 years, 4 mg per day. Had a difficulty coming off it but I did Oct 2013. When I tried to come off it I did have difficulty sleeping. A responsible psychiatrist wouldn’t prescribe it for longer than a few months at the most, short term. There are other psychiatric medications that are less addictive, way less and are prescribed responsibly long term, particularly the SSRI family of drugs.
If you are okay answering the following, please do: are you prescribed only clonazepam, how long have you been on it, how many mg per day are you prescribed and how many mg do you take when you abuse it?
One more thing: were you diagnosed with any psychiatric disorder?
anitaSeptember 6, 2019 at 1:19 pm #310687
I have generalized anxiety disorder. I am currently prescribed prozac 20mg. Then later on when I was crying to much. I was advised to up the dosage but it was too much for me. I slept all day and had a headache. I now take only 20mg of it.
I was not prescribed clonazepam. I take 0.25-.5 mg per day. It helps me with my anxiety attacks and makes me sleep.September 6, 2019 at 1:54 pm #310689
Reads to me that you need to see a competent psychiatrist of good reputation for the purpose of being re-evaluated. The Prozac you are taking is not working well for you and you shouldn’t take any medication that is not prescribed for you. Make an apt with a good psychiatrist, tell him or her what it is that you’ve been taking, for how long and with what results. I imagine he or she will prescribe to you a different kind of SSRI, maybe one to take at bedtime instead of morning time.
Eight more months to go in college- goal is then to graduate with good enough grades and proceed to enter the working world, I assume?
I will soon be away from the computer for as long as 16 hours from now. Feel free to add anything you want to add and I will be glad to read and reply to you when I am back.
anitaSeptember 7, 2019 at 4:20 am #310715
I am sorry that you have taken your break-up so badly. Three years is a long time to remain in a state of grief but, as Anita said, it’s tough when you have to continue seeing him. You really love him but how much do you really love yourself? If you really loved yourself, would you be putting yourself through so much heartache and pain? You are lonely and suicidal – you want some kind words. I wonder how often you are kind to yourself with your words.
You have someone who is in love with you who is kind and nice. You don’t love him “yet” and you may never love him but you are not giving him a chance because someone who isn’t in love with you and doesn’t want to be kind to you any more still has your affections. Grieving is a process of letting go. You are refusing to let go. Has it ever occurred to you that you can let him go with love?
Where has your anxiety come from? You mention meditation but do you pay attention to your breathing whilst you meditate. Are you making sure that your breath enters and inflates your lungs sufficiently? Easy to check – place one hand at the lower end of your ribcage and ‘breathe’ into it. You should be able to feel a definite inflation and deflation of your lungs as your breath comes in and out. You can add words such as “rising” and “falling” as your breath comes in and out – you can add words such as “PEACE” on the in breath and “RELAX” as you breathe out. Have you been taught to place your feet flat on the floor and connect with Earth before you meditate? Do you play relaxing music as you drift off to sleep (or not)?
Anita has much more information on drugs, medication, psychotherapy etc. than I have. It is my feeling that your anxiety began to take shape much longer than three years ago. How old were you when you met, what reasons did he have for breaking up with you and why is this the be all and end all of life for you? Feeling lonely and suicidal means you have nothing to live for. Is that the truth?
I hope your exam goes well for you.
PeggySeptember 7, 2019 at 6:20 am #310725
Yes @anita. I need to see a better therapist. And a counsellor again, I think. I had a breakdown last night. The boy in love with me helped. After exams and classes we hung out.
@peggy, I had anxiety issues since young. I dated my ex for about a year before breaking up. He is religious and I am not. Something he did not want to negotiate.
I try to meditate. It’s difficult. I’ll keep trying.
Thank you for your responses.September 7, 2019 at 8:17 am #310733
Are you saying that this person was trying to force his beliefs on to you and that he couldn’t be with you unless you complied?
If you are finding meditation difficult at the moment, have you thought about using guided relaxation products – there are some excellent ones on the market.
Perhaps you should befriend this boy and hang out together more – he may well help you through the next eight months. What do you think? Perhaps you will be a little less lonely and have at least one reason to live.
People underestimate the value of breathing correctly – it can alter your whole constitution. Please pay regular attention to this – the breath of life.
How old were you when you began to have anxiety issues and what was happening in your life at that time?
PeggySeptember 7, 2019 at 8:30 am #310735
@peggy yes, my ex wanted me to be religious as well. I made it clear from the beginning that I am not. He kept hoping.
I have had anxiety issues since sixth grade. Mom-dad fighting a lot and pressure to do well academically. My parents are okay and peacefully together. Academic pressure has increased. I feel a need to prove myself all the time. I know my ex does not care and he i’s the class topper. But I felt so insignificant compared to him. Like I am nowhere near good enough. It’s just my insecurities talking, I know. As much as I try to not consume myself with these thoughts, the more the engulf me.September 7, 2019 at 9:32 am #310749
Two years ago you wrote about your ex boyfriend and current class mate: “he did tell me he does not love me and he has been hurt enough. I feel guilty that I have hurt him so much“-
I am wondering: how did you hurt him?
anitaSeptember 7, 2019 at 9:55 am #310753
I know that religion is more important to some people than others but if you’ve made it clear from the beginning that you do not have the same belief system as him then he should have listened to your communication and made a decision to either accept you as you were or move on to one of the thousands of women that do share his beliefs.
You are not insignificant – you are a fully paid up member of the human race and you have just as much significance as anyone else. Just because he is able to achieve good grades, this does not make him a decent human being. You cannot and should not compare yourself to other people. I know that people are put under academic pressure these days but that’s just the way society chooses to measure us. I personally believe that this is wrong. You feel that you were nowhere good enough for him. Yes, your insecurities are talking to you. Your inner critic is feeding you the wrong information. It’s just as likely that you were too good for him. I’ve written a poem on the subject of being “good enough” as not being good enough is a feeling that I carried for a good number of years. I must look it up and see what I wrote.
These thoughts that you are having are not the truth, they are just thoughts. Let them come and let them go. You have amazing capabilities. You can do well academically and you have nothing whatsoever to prove.
PeggySeptember 8, 2019 at 3:09 am #310811September 8, 2019 at 3:13 am #310813
I was young. After my ex broke up with me, I dated other people. My ex got hurt. I was young back then. Now I underatand, I did not cheat on him. We were not in a relationship then. Even if he is hurt, that’s not for me to worry about.
The dates went nowhere though. I was too sad. Not much regrets about it anymore. But I wish I had given myself more time to heal back then, except of trying to distract myself with dating.