I suspect that everyone at sometime in their lives feels this way. There is this idea in phycology called ‘persona’. A persona is a kind of mask we put on as we interact with other. Persona’s are not fake. While at work one would not put on the persona of Husband, Wife, Brother, Sister, Son, Daughter…  that would just be weird.

When we first become aware that we have persona’s, masks, roles to play, its natural to wonder, oh I must be fake.

In Buddhist teaching we are reminded that we are not our persona’s. we are not there role we take on, we are our emotions, we are not our thoughts…  It is however when we over identify with a specific persona, emotion, thought that we are not being real.

For example, ‘I am a businessman’ Everything I see and do comes through perspective of the businessman. When I succeed in business, I’m good, when I fail, I’m bad. You can see how that is going to be problematic especially when the ‘businessman’ needs to relate to others as perhaps Father, Son, Lover, Friend…. The role of businessman is not fake. Its just not appropriate when relating to a partner.

Anyway, you’re are a point where your noticing the various roles you have with the realization that you are not your roles. This is understandably uncomfortable, but not fake. It is through our roles and interactions with others that we learn about ourselves.

My advice for what its worth is to pay attention, play a bit with the roles you take on, what fits, what doesn’t fit, what is helpful what is not.? Are you over identified by a role taken on? If so why?

As you discover this thing that is you, be kind