Dear Gaia:

No, I don’t believe in past lives. I considered it once because I used to fantasize about being in a certain historic time and place of which I read about a lot, so I thought maybe I used to be a person there and then. But later I figured- if something about me lived before and will live again, it is something that was born with me at the very beginning, but the circumstances of the place and time into which I was born, and which affected me and which are in the experiences I had after birth, those don’t pass on.

I am glad to read that you no longer try to suppress or reject any sides of yourself.

“I’m slowly learning to accept it all and accept myself just as I am”- this is healthy, excellent to read you state that.

Indeed, there is no spontaneity in “sooooo obsessive and methodical”. I too put my life on hold, thinking that I will start my life when I am prepared. It didn’t work for me, I was never prepared. The thought behind this failed strategy was that starting life can be smooth and fine if I am prepared. The way that did work for me is to start life every day no matter how rough and unprepared I feel:  think of the next step after taking the first instead of staying in place thinking of all the steps all at once (in that “sooooo obsessive and methodical” way).

I too felt I was at home in Fantasy. I felt calm and joy and curiosity and motivation and I felt capable because all was possible for me.

anita