Dear Anita

I’m sorry, I should’ve mentioned this earlier. There are two other things as to why he’s so attached to his mother.

1. His mother has back and joint problems. She has had various surgeries and has been in constant pain so much so that she couldn’t even walk properly. And he’s been the one taking her to doctors and everything. His role has been very instrumental in his mother’s well being. (And I ASSUME that’s why maybe she doesn’t like me because she thinks I’m very modern- courtesy green hair. And she wants to find a homely girl for her who can take care of her as well.)
2. In India, the girls of the families are married off but the boys bring in daughter-in-laws. The boys continue living in with their parents. And he fears that there’s no one to take care of his parents apart from him. (His father would retire in the next 2-3 years and would then live them.) He feels its solely his duty to provide for his parents. And that’s why he doesn’t want to fight his parents for me because that might mean that he’d have to separate from them.

I don’t have any problem with him taking care of his parents. I don’t want to separate a mother from her child. (It’s a huge deal in India.) The only problem is he’s not even initiating a fight with them. Start the damn conversation! Atleast tell her that I can take care of her too! I have a family too. I know the family values and importance of a family. Both of us are 26 and are in no hurry of getting married. But I can’t wait for him to come back here after 2 years and then talk to his mother and she rejects me eventually. I don’t want to start the moving on process when I’m 28! I know age shouldn’t matter. But I feel my parents and I would succumb to societal pressure. I don’t want to get married to an unknown person and especially not in the process of moving on.

I agreed with him that his mother’s final decision would be binding. But he promised me a fair fight before that. There are variations in his statements now. Last year he told me that he’s neither leaving his mother nor me. This time he said that even after all the fighting, his mother doesn’t agree he would leave me. I told him that he takes the stand of not getting married to anybody else but me, his parents would eventually give up. He’s not ready for this too.

My plan was to make him talk to his mother before he leaves for the U.S. He would talk to her and specifically tell her about me and find out why she dislikes me and to what extent so that we could decide our next step accordingly. But he failed in the first step. He just gave her a hint that we’re dating. His mother then responded that we want somebody with black hair! And that we’re spending a lot on you and hence have certain expectations! That’s it! That was all the big talk! This conversation decided my future! He said had I been standing on my own feet, I would’ve been in a better position to reply to my mother! I can’t risk my future anymore.