Dear Cali Chica:

1. “protecting my time”- your use of the verb to-protect, suggests that people have been taking your time away from you without your consent, stealing it from you. When your mother gave you the job of “super friend” (as you labeled it today), and as you executed the job, she (and her mental rep in your brain) have been stealing your time.

2. “I always have been very good/ excellent at any job I was given… the job of being super friend… (->) someone who does whatever he wants, chooses who  she wants, when she wants.. So happy and confident in her decisions”-

-the transition is from the compulsive performance of a job that was given to you- > thoughtful choosing, making thoughtful decisions.

“I have a pep in my step”- because you thoughtfully choose.

“but a worn out soul”- from decades of compulsively executing of a job that was given to you

– and from the effort it now takes to live differently: to intentionally and thoughtfully choose and execute your own choices, while experiencing the friction of moving through fear and guilt.

anita