Hi Neil,

I’ve read about people whose unbearable suffering resulted in a spontaneous spiritual awakening that totally freed them of their pain. Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle is one such person, or so he says.

But not all of us are so lucky so we need to take matters into our own hands, take responsibility for our own happiness. Many of us will try some of the very things you mentioned: pills, counseling, big life changes, soul searching and gratitude.

Neil, what big life changes have you tried and were you truly committed to each? Progress doesn’t happen overnight, and it takes a strong character to stick to a commitment. I read somewhere that it can take over two months for a new behavior to become a habit. We’ve got to be patient, give things time….and then see what happens.

I recommend making the decision to radically transform your life by practicing mindfulness, meditation, daily exercise, healthy eating, sober living, random acts of kindness, and focusing on helping others. Yeah, I know, blah, blah, blah, you’ve heard these words a million times but I truly believe that if you totally commit to each your life will drastically change for the better. You can’t do this half-way; you’ve got to be all in. I’ve listed 7 practices; that’s 7 separate commitments.

Difficulties (losses, betrayals, disappointments, fears, regrets, guilt, etc.) will of course arise and old familiar habits such as ruminating on your mistakes, flaws, and misfortunes will resurface, tempting you to ditch your commitments. But over time you may recognize these tendencies in yourself and get very good at averting them early on. Also, remind yourself that pain is a part of life, that to be human is to experience difficulties, and your difficulties are what will ultimately transform you. In other words, if spiritual growth is what you want then be thankful for your struggles.

Neil, I remember our earlier correspondence and how intelligent you are. Do you think it’s at all possible that your emotional suffering is a state of mind that you have the power to change if you are patient and truly committed to doing the hard work?

Maybe it all starts with one decision.

I’m glad you’re reaching out!

B