I’m going to reply to your questions as soon as I’m on the PC but now I genuinely feel like sharing some thoughts I’m having since yesterday.

As you know I daydream and live inside my head a lot, to the point that I don’t find much fun or enjoyment in real life situations. Real life situations always gave me bad experiences or feelings, increased my self hate, comparison with others, shame and social anxiety. Living in real life always made me feel that I’m dull, my life is dull and others are better than me. Well, maybe it’s after spending a life more focused on fantasising than acting, but I genuinely feel put out of place in real life. Like it takes my brain some seconds to recognize something happening around and how to interact with it. Sometimes my posture is weird or I feel dizzy, like I just entered another dimension that don’t belong to me, like I don’t know what to do with my hands and with my eyes, how to interact with all the things happening around. Last night I was off with some friends and at one point, we filmed each other for fun, and my insight on myself increased, because looking at me I genuinely look off or subtly uncoordinated, like I just entered a situation I can’t comprehend and I’m forced to act. I looked at my eyes and I recognized that I was sunny and friendly but distant, somewhere else with the soul. That’s why I always felt dumb, my mind just can’t comprehend what happens around, it takes slightly more than others that instead seem to interact with the environment so effortlessly, they don’t feel the need to zone out every 5 minutes.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by Gaia.