Forum Replies Created
March 15, 2020 at 10:40 am #343420
I know you wrote that you don’t want me to reply further but I can’t just read this and close this thread without saying anything.
I get how you feel, I get that my lack of progress may feel frustrating and that you no longer want to spend energy or work no me. I respect that.
I’m closed in my home since the start of march like everyone in my country, tell me how can I talk with about how I’m practicing assertiveness? By the way I’m doing it. I’m practicing making myself more respected with the few people I can interact daily now, you may no longer have heard about the Magnifying Glass by me but this doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten about this. Or that I don’t use it by myself whenever strong emotions arise, especially when triggered by my mother.
You find my lack of progress frustrating, you have no idea how even more frustrating it is to me, since forever. And about psychotherapy I’ve already expressed why I can’t seem it now, but I’ve also said more than once that it’s the first thing I’m considering when I’ll be financially independent.
You don’t have to write to me, you don’t owe me nothing. I won’t ask you to keep being in touch if it’s a frustrating experience but the fact I’m being abandoned this abruptly is not a pleasant experience, it’s hurtful.
Goodbye by the way, I won’t disturb you no longerMarch 15, 2020 at 8:34 am #343402
What I need is to hear is that I’m not in danger and that the best is yet to come, by the way:)March 15, 2020 at 8:32 am #343400
You’ve considerably helped me. You help me firstly by being the sole person I can say private things to in my life, you helped me not seeing myself as a monster and in opening my eyes about a lot of things in my life.
I imagine how miserable I must be, that another person across the ocean asks what else she can do for my pain (by the way, you’re a very generous person, sometimes I wonder if you’re an angel!)March 15, 2020 at 1:02 am #343366
Why would you ask me that?March 14, 2020 at 2:59 pm #343324
I’ve always felt a block in my chest, or better, it’s where I felt most of my intense daily negativity gathered. Maybe it’s just paranoia but it’s like I feel my negativity causing pain and cramps in certain areas of my body lately, like stomach and chest. I remember in elementary school I was already noticeably short fused and a teacher told that like that I was going to have a heart attack one dayMarch 14, 2020 at 11:50 am #343308
I’m not constipated fortunately
<p style=”text-align: left;”>And when I visited a doctor for my chest hurt she suggested me to do a heart screen (because my heartbeat was going fast (nothing abnormal thought) but since I mentioned that it especially hurted when I move she gave me meds for intercostal pains</p>March 14, 2020 at 10:11 am #343292
this afternoon in the midst of the usual negative emotions, I started feeling my colon ache bad, my right hip. I am afraid that it aching is linked to my anger, just as I am afraid that my frequent chest hurts may link to it as well (and not to intercostal pains).
I’m afraid that my thread title “my extreme feelings kill me” may one day be self fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes even doing deep breaths is hard, it’s like I pant.
What if my anger is causing me physical sickness without me being aware? What if it kills meMarch 13, 2020 at 10:50 am #343148
My biggest trigger is not feeling actively valued or at least acknowledged. Btw I’m looking forward to tell you how my practice of assertiveness goesMarch 13, 2020 at 8:44 am #343118
Also what enrages me or saddens me isn’t only explicit disrespect. Even not feeling heard, seen, mirrored or not explicitly showed the same love and warmth than others triggers me. what I mean is, my issue is not feeling hated or rejected but not being actively made feel welcomed or cared forMarch 13, 2020 at 8:41 am #343116
I’ve went back to read your replies about assertiveness and how to make yourself respected and how you practice it
When I am being intentionally disrespected: In social situations, I used to not notice when it happened
What I’m curious about is… You said that once you didn’t notice fast when disrespect on you happened but that now you don’t have problems asserting yourself if it’s the case. What I want to know is, what makes you notice now when are you disrespected?
I know ive already asked a similar specific question but the answer wasn’t very clearMarch 13, 2020 at 7:46 am #343108
You know when I talk about feeling possessed is that I literally feel taken by dark and cruel impulses that I can’t control. It’s like Jekyll and Mr Hyde. One close friend I had also mentioned how I can turn cruel and that also my voice “changes”. It’s ridiculous how I can look rational and sympathetic on the outside, no one would ever dream that I can reach psychotic levels of anger and rage. I can also be very empathetic and soft at the same time, seeing people and especially animals suffering makes me cry, once at a party one girl started breaking down cause her ex had died in a accident and I was the one crying along with her, despite being a complete strangerMarch 13, 2020 at 1:49 am #343090
I’ve also thought that what first needs my attention and care is how to stop feeling so angry all the time. Seriously, it’s exhausting. It’s not good to be always angry and I’m always angry since I can remember. Even as a child, I was an angry child. I’ve decided that for my health excessive and chronic intense anger needs to be stopped.
I’m considering breathwork, mindfulness and even engaging in social activism (but it only makes me angrier, I always imagine debating and arguing with others) I want to stop it before it can cause serious sickness in my body (as it did with my mind)March 12, 2020 at 8:52 am #342936
Your point in the end is to practice feeling safe in social settings by asserting your power and speak out if someone clearly disrespect you. So do you agree my last idea? To be very attentive of my interactions with others, be detachedly objective, in order to accurately point out when I’m truly better off or the other person is safe?March 12, 2020 at 8:25 am #342932
I’ve got a good idea. I decided to use my social interactions to observe others carefully and pay attention on whether they’re toxic or worth of my time, instead of staying in anxiety mode where I’m detached from the truthMarch 12, 2020 at 1:39 am #342912
Nope i never called her a bitch, maybe I told her to fuck off once but generally we’re still civil to each other so it’s not like theres some kind of animosity. Btw yeah I definitely feel your experience, it’s hell. To be always be this angry or to dread every social experience and feel like you’re not worth it. How do you recognize someone who disrespect you now and how do you feel safe in social situations?