Hi PJ,

There’s a real mix going on here.  You’ve suffered grief and loss, you’ve not been able to give and receive the support that should have existed between you and your wife and, lo and behold, a woman came into your life who could bring you that comfort that you so needed.  I really don’t think that you should be feeling guilty under the circumstances.

There is not much physical intimacy, emotional connection and communication between your wife and yourself.  The loss of your child has brought this all to a head.  You cannot re-engage with your wife when you weren’t really engaging in the first place and what ‘track’ exactly do you want to get it back on.  The one where you are co-existing as a brother and sister might.

As you don’t really have a support system other than your mother, I think it might be wise if you were to consult a bereavement counselor to help you deal with your loss before making any decisions regarding your marriage.  Staying together for the sake of the children is not always the best choice.

Best wishes

Peggy